11 November 1851
I watched the stage coach yesterday until it went away, and I hoped you would turn around, so to be sure and see me - I did'nt mind the rain which sometimes pelted me with a big drop, nor the sharp westerly wind. I only thought to me that should you turn around for a last look at home and I should not be there, I never could forgive me. I thought you saw me once, the way I told was this. You know your cap was black, and where it had been black, it all at once grew white, and I fancied that was you.
How lonely it was last night when the chilly wind went down, and the clear, cold moon was shining - it seemed to me I could pack this little earthly bundle, and bidding the world Goodbye, fly away and away, and never come back again to be so lonely here, and then I thought of "Hepzibah" how sorrowful she was, and how she longed to sleep, because the grave was peaceful, yet for affection's sake, and for the sake of "Clifford" she wearied on, and bye and bye, kind angels took both of them home, and it seemed almost a lesson, given us to learn. I dont mean that you are him, or that Hepzibah's me except in a relative sense, only I was reminded.
You are not alone, dear Austin, warm hearts are beating for you, and at mention of your name, brighter beams the eye - you must not be despondent - no, Austin, I cannot have you - dont think of the present - the present is unkind, but the future loves you - it sees you a great way off and runs to meet you - "my son was dead, and lives again - he was lost and is found!" I was thinking of you last night - I dropped asleep thinking of you. Lo, I dreamed, and the world was no more this world, but a world bright and fair - no fading leaves, no dying friends, and I heard a voice saying there shall be no more tears, neither any crying, and they answered, nevermore, and up from a thousand hearts went a cry of praise and joy and great thanksgiving, ad I awoke, yet I know the place was heaven, and the people singing songs were those who in their lifetimes were parted and separated, and their joy was because they should never be so any more. Good bye, dear Austin, yet why Good bye, are you not with me always - whether I wake or sleep? "And tho all others do, yet will not I forsake thee"!